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Self-compassion

Self-compassion is something I have often been reminded is important when I am having a hard time, but it is something I find can be really difficult to give myself especially when I'm feeling helpless or worthless. I struggle with being hard on myself and having high expectations of myself at the best of times and the struggle can be so much bigger when I'm in a dark or tough place. 

 

It's taking me a lot of practice but slowly I am learning to accept that there are times we all struggle and times when we all behave or act in ways which we'd prefer we hadn't. And that no-one is perfect. Instead of giving myself a hard time about how I'm feeling I try to talk to myself and comfort myself the way I would talk to and comfort someone I really cared about. Kind of like giving myself a bit of my own advice at times. (This can all be so much easier said than done though!)

So I'm wondering whether anyone would like to share your thoughts on self-compassion. Perhaps:

 

What self-compassion looks like to you

 

What impact has self-compassion had on you?

 

How you practice self-compassion. Is this something you've had to work at or does it come easily to you?

 

How might you remember to be kind to yourself when you're struggling

 

(Or any other thoughts or ideas about self-compassion!)

8 REPLIES 8
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Re: Self-compassion

Self-compassion entails being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism.

these are very good questions @CheerBear 

I think doing something we love like craft, swimming , walking , doing jigsaw puzzles , something that we love doing

spending time enjoying things that we like , I love sitting in the yard under the trees or on the front steps with a cup of coffee

for myself i need to remind my self to practice self-compassion., lie having a soak in the bath tub , or sitting wuietly reading my magazine

as a unpaid carer of my husband and my mum , I find it hard to remember me , so it takes time and pactice to remember ourselves

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Re: Self-compassion

Hi @CheerBear good questions! I'm compassionate when it comes to other people. When someone is struggling or facing challenges, it seems obvious to try and be kind and support them. I have trouble doing the same for myself. The idea that I also warrant kindness when I'm not going well was really strange to me at first. I'm getting a better understanding of self compassion, particularly in adopting a gentler perspective because I am just another imperfect person, no more and no less. It is a big shift in attitude for me. In practice, I agree @Shaz51 that from self compassion comes self care - doing positive, enjoyable, meaningful things for yourself.

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Re: Self-compassion

good one @frog @CheerBear @Shaz51 was just talking about self forgiveness in another discussion. Journalling is a really great thing for me i find that I almost tend to have a conversation with myself via paper. Once it is all out in the journal sometimes i can even see that maybe have been a bit hard on myself. Reflecting that way is really helpful.

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That's interesting @Nong1990 I also find that writing can help me see more clearly. I hadn't  thought about it in the context of self-compassion and it's a really useful idea for me to keep in mind.

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that is a good idea @Nong1990 , @frog , I will need to try keeping a diary xx

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Re: Self-compassion

Oh Self-Compassion @CheerBear @Shaz51 @frog This is Sooo Important....

Especially when (considering that) other people do not show us adequate compassion, in my experience.

Often no compassion whatsoever (even when in physical pain etc) - "Stiff upper lip", "What are you (me) whining about"?, etc.

All statements & attitudes that are purposely designed to keep me silent - or to stop me from seeking the help or assistance that I do deserve.

So practicing Self-Compassion is So Important....

Yes I must Re-visit this thread too....

Adge

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Re: Self-compassion

Hey @Adge it can take a lot longer to get the self-compassion idea if you've been short on experiencing compassion from others. It was such an alien concept to me, partly due to bad early experiences with religion and notions of unworthiness. 

Some things that drew me to the forum were the absence of judgment and the presence of acceptance. Acceptance from others was a key step towards accepting myself, and moving towards self-compassion. 

Hi @CheerBear @Shaz51 @Nong1990 

Interesting thread!

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