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Better Off With You

Casual Contributor

Survived suicide attempt

Is there anyone out there that has survived trying to take their own life? My name is Steve and I survived an attempt in May last year. My body is not what it used to be but luckily my mind is, however it is the mind that brings many of us to the brink of despair or worse. I have much to tell about what led up to the attempt, the FOG of irrational thought processes and detailed planning required to harm myself. Please feel free to ask me any questions if you are in a bad place because believe me there is a better way. Guilt, shame and hopeless longing for my family that walked out on me brought me down the dark road of suicide. I want to help.

12 REPLIES 12
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Re: Survived suicide attempt

Hi @Dangerfield73 

 

I very warm welcome to the SANE forums. I am Whitehawk, the moderator this evening.  It is just great that you have found the courage to reach out to others and post about your own journey away from suicide. I am confident the Forum members will be able to offer you suport, information and connection.  And I am sure you will get a few questions too!

If you need a hand with working the forum feel free to reach out to a Moderator or to other forum members. Adding a "@" before a member's name or Moderator in your postssends them a direct message.

 

All the best

Whitehawk

 

 

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Re: Survived suicide attempt

Hi @Dangerfield73 and welcome to the forum. It's so great to hear from someone who has come through what I imagine was an incredibly tough time. It's also awesome that you're wanting to support others too. I find heaps of meaning in using my experiences to support others and really value and respect the power of peer support.

I'm curious to hear what it is that you've found helpful in your recovery?

Nice to 'meet' you and hope to see you around.
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Re: Survived suicide attempt

Hi Steve,

Thanks for sharing your experience. I am truly happy that you've found a way forward and I hope that you continue this path. I know a little of where you're coming from. I've made three attempts, the worst was in October 2018. Like you, there is so much to tell about the lead-up, but I'm still struggling as a result of a very bad 4 years.

When I tell people i'm a situation where nothing is going right or getting even mildly better, i'm always told 'it will pass'. With my mentality and lack of patience I don't know how much more I have left to give in order to wait for 'it to pass'. My home is currently in default; I was harassed and threatened out of my last job and I haven't been able to find work in over fifteen months, and I don't have family I can reach out to.

I know the whole 'better off with you' thing is supposed to mean something, but without intending to play violins, I'm quite literally in a situation where I know I it won't make a difference if I exist or not; except maybe to the bank who want to take my home away. I've had three strikes and i'm still around, but I don't know for what purpose.

Anyway there's some of my story. Not really sure what this achieves but thanks to whoever reads it.
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Re: Survived suicide attempt

Hi Mika

I am so sorry you have had to go through this. Not having a support network is probably a large contributor to your persistance in trying to end your life. I know from my experience that I felt I was alone, nobody cared if I lived or died. This is not true. Somebody loves you. You only need to know that and it can change your life. The financial thing in my opinion is a big factor in many suicides. In my case I had worked my butt off for 30 years to prove a point to the people I thought did not think I was a real man. This stemmed from bullying at school. 

Now I just put love in front of cash, Love for my family, friends and partner. Material crap is the least of my worries. I know that money is essential to survive. There are many options to dying if you feel lost in a financial sense. Declare bankruptcy, get the leach bank off your back. Ask for financial advice first of course but do something. 

I thought after my attempt I would never find love again. I got up dusted myself off, went to the gym, setup some online dating profiles and got back into the dating scene. I have had the best time of my life. I now realise the women I had married and broke up with was not the be all and end all of my life. I am enjoying life again. Life is beautiful. I hope I have helped you. Feel free to ask anything else of me.

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Re: Survived suicide attempt

7 attempts in the past 4 years. 

I can't handle or believe that after so many attempts to take my own life, The Mental Health System here in Perth Western Australia fail me repeatedly. I'm going back to The emergency department to be seen hopefully.

When I'm well I'm aCompletely different person. But Im getting sicker sooner and more rapidly than ever before and the thoughts... THE CONSTANT THOUGHTS of hopelessness come back so fast now. They don't follow up to see if I'm still here.

It's always this Bandaid solution that's distroying me.

Please tell me how did u get help. Because at the moment a bit of positive feedback would be Fantastic, if your able too. Thanks 

 

 

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Re: Survived suicide attempt

Hi @Leesa 

 

Surviving suicide atrempts is hard. Feeling hopeless can be hard. Life can be hard. But there can be moments of hope and building a life worth living. I'm living proof of that. I try to find once nice thing in my day to hold on to. That might look like doing something nice for mysrlf or better yet doing something for someone else. So I get involved with mental health advocavy, consultations and seminars to fight stigma and misunderstandings. I still have suicidal ideation & it's difficult to manage but fighting for others gives me strength.

 

I noticed you are in Perth too. I have seen some new support groups for survivors of suicide attempts starting soon. It is an 8 week group. Not therapy based. I'll post the link so you can check it out. https://www.lifelinewa.org.au/Get-Help/Eclipse 

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Re: Survived suicide attempt

Hi Leesa. I am so sorry you have gone through 7 attempts, 1 is bad enough. Unfortunately finding the help you need can be a minefield. In my case I had a very close knit family and friends and this was 95% of what I needed to recover. I feel that my suicidal ideation was only due to the circumstances that converged on me all at once. I am fortunate that my mind was not damaged and I have gone back to undergraduate study to keep my mind occupied.I think that you have far more issues to deal with and you need to get support. If you have no one close to turn too then the only way is a group such as the one in Perth that another contributor suggested.

What do you love to do? I found as a lad that grew up in the bush that going back to it really helped my soul. Just the quiet, the birds, the trees, the solace really helped me. I am on very strong antidepressants and I have found that my thoughts are a lot clearer and positive. I regularly say to myself that there are people in a much worse place than me, reflect on what you have gained rather than lost. In my case I have gained a much greater appreciation of my loved ones.

I was very close to death after my attempt. 3 days after I came out of a coma I saw my mother and the anguish on her face. I mentally decided to get my arse out of that hospital bed. Mindset is very important. The same thinking that leads us to that terrible act can also lead you out of it. My doctors had given up on me, no brain activity, kidneys functioning at 5%, but then I opened my eyes and started following people with them. Family asked me questions from my youth and I clearly responded with facial expressions. I was ok, my brain was ok?? How, I do not know however, I feel I was not meant to leave, to die at that time. My kidney function returned to safe levels 3 days later. Thing was nobody told me I was close to dying. I have taken this chance as a wakeup call and I want to help other people rather than concentrate on stupid money.

I really hope you can try and focus on anything positive in your life and get to that group as soon as possible. Regards Steve x.

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Re: Survived suicide attempt

what made you change your mind? 

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Re: Survived suicide attempt

what made you stay?

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